it won't stop it won't stop it won't stop its getting worse and it hurtssssssssss


my heart sucks

dance, heart... dance!

My heart will not stop palpitating! I haven't even had coffee today. It keeps freaking out. I haven't taken my lexapro lately though. Maybe thats it. It kind of hurts and worries me.

I'm broke.


I have a photo shoot with Andy Sunday. Its going to be good.

Where is my planner?
I don't know when I'm suppose to stop my birth control



Justin sent me an email yesterday telling me how he didn't want to be friends anymore. I don't really care. He said neither one of us had anything to gain from our friendship and that he would just be wanting more from me.
He is not the same person at all.
Neither am I, I guess.

Last night was fucking intense.
Natalia and I tub thumped at Brian's. Everyone got kicked out of Greene Street so we decided to bring the party back to his house. We got drunk. And other things. From substances.
We danced.
I do believe we headbanged...
Sang real loud.
There were strippers
Some professional, some not.
It was amazing. I felt so fucking happy. I have not felt that happy in a long time.
Then Brian finally got off work and the good times continued. He takes care of me. I like that.
We had a good talk.
He drew me an amazing picture. Holy shit. I'm still excited about it.


I have tomorrow off of work! Anything but clothes party at LaShayessssss

chew on this

here is what me thinks today:

This cookie is good. Its one of those big, fat sugar cookies with the frosting on it and sprinkles. Ashley brought it home from her Chemistry meeting. Amazing. Just what I needed.

My mom and I just got done scrubbing down my entire apartment. I was so tired of looking at it. Maybe I'll probably spend some time here now. Sike.
She is still my all time best friend...
but we seem to be growing a little more and more distant now that she got this new job and she doesn't work with me anymore. Oh well. I know it is all for the better.

I need a business idea for my entrepreneurship class. I can't believe I just spelled that word right on my first try.
Anyway.
I need a business to market towards the campus. I need it by Thursday. EEKaifdjoj
I got dis!

I started reading this book today called "Devil in the White City" by Erik Larson. Its about the world fair in Chicago at the turn of the 19th century and how all this murder and mayhem took place. Its nonfiction, which makes it so much more interesting to me.
I was reading it while waiting in the health center today picking up my prescription. $140 for 3 months of birth control. wriheoraedjhoaij. wtFUCK?!



I'm getting better with this apathy thing
I'm really starting to care
and become motivated



Brian is my official boyfriend now....
so far so good. The more I learn about him the more I like. He makes me feel special.
Still slightly scared about this whole relationship thing... it's been an entire year since I've been in a 'real' relationship.
However..
I decided to just get over it and enjoy what I have.




Just finished the cookie.
I wonder what dad and Charlie are up to these days.

hello cramps. good to see you again.

I'm such an apathetic sonofabitch.
I need to get my priorities straight.


I need to stop DRINKING so much. This is so unlike me. I never drank up until last year... and I go through these phases. I'll party nonstop for a few weeks, then not drink at all for a few months. I'm in a crazy party stage, though.
My sleeping schedule is awful. I stay up until 4 a.m. or later every single night and sleep the day away.
Often wanting to skip class.


I'm so not made for school. I hate it. I'd rather learn on my own.


Systems. I hate them.
Education.
Religion.
Politics.



anarchist? slightly.


I desperately want to learn the guitar! Maybe I'll get the motivation to do so. But this darn apathy. Eating away at me like a disease.

I also would like to start a book club with a few friends. Sounds dorky.
But I think it'd be fun to get a bunch of people together, read the same book, and discuss it once a week together.
It'd be a positive thing to do with our time... but we'd also be socializing.


I like Brian. A lot. But I swore off boys for a while. I'm scared to like him too much.
But I think I trust him?
But I trusted all the other ones too.
so I don't know.
but I think he really does like me?


but so did all the others.
soufhaoehjfowejfoaiejr


I swear I'll get my life together
I'm better than this.