hai world

Hands down I'm too proud for love

I just got a new National Geographic sent to me about Neanderthals and it is by far my favorite issue yet..

I cannot sleep at the moment

Trying my hardest not to become dependent on my boyfriend for happiness/entertainment.

Doing miserably at school... apathy...


Can't eat without a stomach ache. Gaining too much weight. Caring too much about gaining too much weight.

Purpose. Where are you?




I yearn to travel. Probably longest I've gone without leaving the state in a couple of years.


Ever want to start over? I do sometimes.
No regrets for the most part, though.

Hmmph

Take me back to Montmartre, pleasssseee!

Montmartre, easily the most charming part of Paris. I yearn to go back! I didn't spend enough time there. I'm going to cut my hair and change my name to Audrey Tautou and say weird little quirky things.

In other news, I miss Brian.

roped and tied

Next semester I'm taking a break from school. This either means the entire semester off or only taking a couple of courses to keep me still officially enrolled in school. I'm not motivated at all. Not for school, anyway.


I want to open up a venue/club/bar/coffee shop. Yes. All in one.
I will. I need some time to save up money. I'm slowly gaining the business skills and I have some knowledgeable people on my team. Won't begin til summer, though.

I'm going sky diving. With Ashley. And anyone else with the guts to come.

I need to start taking my lexapro consistently. I go days without it then realize how much I need it.



I need a bangin job! I'm gonna be a hooker. Or drug dealer. Probably both. That sounds rather legit



I don't feel like I mean anything to anyone
I think I have friends..
but I don't feel like there is anyone who wouldn't be able to 'live without me'.
.... I kind of want that? Is that conceited or selfish? to feel needed/wanted?
I don't know.


giving up that kitten was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a while.
it seemed to be the only thing that loved me no matter what I did. Even after I gave her a bath.


I miss Tony.

it won't stop it won't stop it won't stop its getting worse and it hurtssssssssss


my heart sucks

dance, heart... dance!

My heart will not stop palpitating! I haven't even had coffee today. It keeps freaking out. I haven't taken my lexapro lately though. Maybe thats it. It kind of hurts and worries me.

I'm broke.


I have a photo shoot with Andy Sunday. Its going to be good.

Where is my planner?
I don't know when I'm suppose to stop my birth control



Justin sent me an email yesterday telling me how he didn't want to be friends anymore. I don't really care. He said neither one of us had anything to gain from our friendship and that he would just be wanting more from me.
He is not the same person at all.
Neither am I, I guess.

Last night was fucking intense.
Natalia and I tub thumped at Brian's. Everyone got kicked out of Greene Street so we decided to bring the party back to his house. We got drunk. And other things. From substances.
We danced.
I do believe we headbanged...
Sang real loud.
There were strippers
Some professional, some not.
It was amazing. I felt so fucking happy. I have not felt that happy in a long time.
Then Brian finally got off work and the good times continued. He takes care of me. I like that.
We had a good talk.
He drew me an amazing picture. Holy shit. I'm still excited about it.


I have tomorrow off of work! Anything but clothes party at LaShayessssss

chew on this